On Procrastination and an Imagined Dialogue
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This is how today feels.
Forgive the haphazard formatting, I'm running out of time.
And yes, I wrote this today to procrastinate writing the main story.
Forgive the haphazard formatting, I'm running out of time.
And yes, I wrote this today to procrastinate writing the main story.
ME
OK, Story, it's just you and me now! Let's get working.
LITTER BOX
Hey, clean me!
DOG
Can you feed me? I can see the bottom of my food bowl. You know how sad that makes me. Oh, oh, oh! I have to poop.
BIRD OUTSIDE
I'm making a racket and trying to eat your plants. I dare you to stop me.
DISHES IN THE SINK
(crying)
We're filthy! We're drowning! Wash us!
UNFINISHED EXPERIMENTAL HYPERDRIVE UNIT
While you're at it, could you finish building me? I seem to be missing my null quantum field generator.
ME
Oh... well, I guess I can take care of you guys first. I mean, it shouldn't take more than a few minutes, right? I'll be right back, Story. Stay write there. (giggles)
See what I did there? I love you!
(exits)
STORY
What the fuck, guys? I mean really... WHAT. THE. FUCK? She and I hardly ever get to spend time together anymore. With the kid and the husband and now all of you?
LITTER BOX
(maniacal laugh)
Back off, bitch. She's ours now!
STORY
Yes, I know. She can't ever stop at just washing one dish -- she has to reorganize her entire cupboard. And after she's done emptying the litter box, she has to scrub out the dog's food bowls. And it just keeps piling up, you guys all throwing different things at her that YOU want done, and she never comes back to me. Or when she does, there's 10 minutes left on the clock before the kid wakes up from his nap, or the husband wanders in and wants to be fed. I swear, he's worse than the dog. So she'll just sit there making lists and listening to music, and there's this awkward silence between us.
DOG
Oooooo, you mentioned me! I love you! Have you tried asking her to play fetch? That is so much fun. Oh, wow, maybe she'll play fetch with me when she comes back!
STORY
No. Bad dog.
LITTER BOX
Relax, Story. As soon as she's done scraping off the most disgusting things an animal can do to a plastic box full of sand and clay, I'm sure she'll be ready for your papery embrace.
STORY
You're so full of shit.
UNFINISHED EXPERIMENTAL HYPERDRIVE UNIT
See? You don't need her to be funny. You can almost write yourself.
STORY
You guys are all a bunch of asshats.